Breakin' Dishes- Rihanna

You could say that this is my real life Diary of a Mad Black Woman, literally one of the best movies btw. I have a weird relationship with anger. Like most black women, I’ve had a hard time being angry without apologizing. Even in situations I’ve had every right to be angry, I have been made to feel bad for my anger. Something happens to me and now because I’m angry I’m “Evil”, “Mean spirited” and my personal favorite “Cold hearted”. Not only have I been made to feel like this in friendships, relationships and school but in the workplace as well. I have had people completely disrespect me, then when I say something back or question them on it, everyone wants to clutch their pearls and shed alligator tears. It feels impossible to be angry. 

“Strong Black Women” Stigma

Why would we have such big feelings? How dare she show her anger?  The stigma of the ‘Strong Black Women’ is a dangerous narrative with deep historical roots and impacts us still today. To be a black woman is to be pulled a million different ways when it comes to societal expectations. Historically, black women have been expected to take discrimination, oversexualization and overall pain on the chin. Without a word, we have been expected to take everything with a thank you. Fuck that. I can be angry. Black women have a reason to be angry. Black women have watched their husbands, sons and daughters murdered, have fed white children from their breast as their own children cry of hunger, have experienced unexplainable acts due to being hypersexualized. I mean come on. Why wouldn't we be angry? Black women have the highest maternal mortality rate, but they used black women's bodies to study gynecological surgery, unconsciously of course. Make it make sense. To take a child off her mothers breast and expect a smile is psychotic. Generational trauma is a real thing. 

"I don’t know who think I am"

Not taking disrespect is something I’m working on. I mean I’ve been working on that my whole life. Things take time okay. Anyway, growing up being the only brown girl in a lot of areas, I felt like I had to keep quiet. I never said anything when it came to the racist and or sexist jokes. I can't count how many times I had a skinny white boy ask me for “the N word pass” which is crazy cause I don’t even sound right saying it. But I was expected to be quiet so I became quiet. 

When it comes to relationships, I’ve taken a lot of disrespect. Another area where my anger was questioned so hard. Which is absolutely bananas. Here comes cold hearted Andrea, angry that someone did something she begged them not to. I think it's interesting to connect the dots here. Extreme anger and hyper-sexualization being two large stigmas with black women, the reactions are expected. The amount of times I’ve been angry or hurt in a relationship and then pursued for sex. And that comes from the fetishization of black women in the media. I’m sorry was I supposed to hate fuck you for cheating on me? Would that make your fantasy dreams come true? Then take my ass in the kitchen and make you a five course meal. And say “I get it baby, I’ll do better,” Uhm this is why we need to ban porn. Stay tuned for that story. Anyway. The funny thing is, as sad as I was, I did see red. I have never been a violent person but I wanted to be a gremlin in those moments. It took the strength of all my ancestors not to pull a Jasmin Sullivan that day. Realistically, I should have been angrier. Hmm, maybe next time.

We see it everyday. Black women expressing the same emotions everyone else does and now she’s a bitch. Men can punch walls, speed, scream, cuss but the second we experience pain or anger we are expected to push it down. There is no being assertive, you're bossy. Instead of being intelligent, you're a smart ass. Instead of being comfortable in your sexuality, you're a hoe. Men in every community encourage these stigmas. While these are extremely dangerous, they're not rules. You don't have to abide by them. And you don’t have to care. Ew not me catering to a man- boys feelings more than my own. And I don't anymore. I should be able to correct disrespect without saying sorry or singing it to them for the fear of being judged. As easy as it is for people to do shady shit to me, it should be easy for me to be angry about it. Now, I’m not saying I’m going to be negative but I’m going to express my anger without feeling guilty. 

Maybe don’t wait for police and lights like Miss Rihanna says because we have things to do and we're too pretty for jail. But unapologetically express your emotions because that is your power. 

Thank you for being angry with me today! I'm gonna go hit up a rage room, so until next time!

Andrea <3